Day 8

At last night's weigh in I had lost 7.4lbs! So pleased. After feeling awful I'm feeling much better now as it seems to be working which is such a boost. Saying that, had a mixed day today and ate some salmon & spinach, bites of Rosie's sausage and some nuts. No carbs so still in ketosis an I just had two LL sachets so hopefully my calories are still ok. Back to bring strict tomorrow. Mustn't undo my progress!

Day 7

Have felt weak and miserable today. Dozed off on the couch at 11am! Can't even function properly. Going to have to rethink this diet because feeling this bad isn't worth it. They do a Light version where you eat one real meal a day. Supposed to wait until you're under 30 BMI before starting that but I'd rather modify the diet than give it up completely after one week. Weigh in tonight and I'll chat with the group leader.

Day 6

Tough day today.  I've had all of the sachets that I actually like so I was down to the dregs today.  Felt very hungry with a growling tummy.  Ended up eating an avocado and a Baby Bel cheese just to put something in my stomach besides fluids.  Will be very interested to see how it goes at my weigh in tomorrow night.

Day 5

Smooth sailing today.  We've got a completely free weekend and I've had no problem sticking to the diet.  Tried the Shepherd's Pie today and it was OK.  I'm learning which sachets I like and which ones I don't.  The porridge was fine the first morning but it has made me retch since then so I won't be getting it again and I'll trade in my remaining packets for something else at Monday's meeting.  Generally, I think the milkshake sachets are the easiest.  They taste OK and they're a small portion so it's not too much to get down.  I find that I'm not really hungry but I do need the sachets for energy.

Yesterday I went to the afternoon tea party and I ate more than planned but less than I wanted too.  It was all very special and delicious so I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  Got on the scales this morning and had lost another pound.  So far, so good.

8.15pm  Stomach is growling.  I've had all of my sachets already but feeling hungry now.  Might have a cup of LL broth and see if that helps but my last LL bar is calling.  Must be strong.

Days 2,3 and 4

My God I picked a bad week to start this diet.  On Wednesday a friend and I took our kids away for a mini break.  I was fine in the morning, during the picnic at the zoo and all through the afternoon but when it got to 9.00pm I needed more than a shake or some soup.  It was a much more active day than I would normally have and I felt like I would pass out from lack of food.  So I ate.

I'm pleased to say that I had some grilled fish with peppers and some carrots.  I asked not to have the potatoes.  And that's it.  The carrots weren't great as far as low carb, but it was better than the gelato I really wanted.  When we got back to the hotel I picked up the packet of cookies supplied in the room... and then put them down again.  If I gain nothing but stronger will power from this diet then it will be an accomplishment in itself.

On Wednesday I decided to start the day with some food and hopefully finish up with just LL packets.  I had a poached egg, mushrooms and baked beans for breakfast.  Again, the beans aren't perfect but I was feeling very hungry.  After walking the beach, the arcade and Beachy Head with the children I needed more than a LL packet and had some smoke mackerel and coleslaw salad.  I asked not to have the potatoes that came with it and I didn't have the chocolate profiterole that the children were all eating even though I really, really wanted some.

Today, Day 4, I have a friend's birthday party to attend.  It's an afternoon tea at a nice hotel.  When I started this diet I said that I would participate in the party and I'm still planning to do that.  I'm not sure what they'll be serving but I'm thinking 1-2 sandwich triangles and a small scone plus lots of tea for me.  I've been on LL packets all day and will have one for dinner tonight if I feel hungry.

Got on the scales this morning and they said 185lbs.  That's 5lbs off in just four days.  I'm taking this with a pinch of salt because my weight fluctuates a great deal and I know that the first 5-7lbs is just water.  Still, it's an incentive to keep going.

Day 1 (Part 2)

Oh my goodness. I've managed to stick to the diet but it is really difficult.  I've felt so hungry and my stomach is rumbling.  Regardless of calories I want something to fill me up and these shakes do not do it.  They say that in a few days my body will go into ketosis and I won't feel hungry anymore.  I can't wait.

My energy levels are really low.  I feel like a video game - I have a shake which gives me some energy and then it slowly peters out until I feel like I can barely lift my arms.  Then I have another shake and come back to life again.  I've been waiting until I feel like I can't move before I have another shake.  I can only have four a day so I need to space them out to get me through.

One thing I've noticed already is how often I want to nibble.  I cooked breakfast for everyone this morning - bacon, eggs, beans and toast.  If I had been eating too I probably would've had a fried egg, a slice of toast and some beans on my plate but would've eaten bits of bacon and toast on top while I was cooking.  I kept catching myself reaching out to break off a crust or pick up some bacon.  I'm learning about my habits already and it's just day one.

Day 1

The meeting last night was interesting.  Just four of us in the group.  The other ladies are all attractive, well groomed women who just need to lose some weight.  The one thing that made me a little sad is how unhappy their weight makes them.  They seem defined by it.  I said that there are positive things about being heavier and things that I'll miss when the weight is gone and the group leader suggested that I was in denial about my weight.  That remark certainly stung and has given me something to think about.

I woke up this morning ready to get started and had a bowl of LL porridge for breakfast.  It wasn't like any porridge I've had before, very powdery, but slightly sweet and perfectly edible.  I had it with a black iced coffee (no milk on LL).  I was feeling good about getting started and weighed myself before getting into the shower.  My body was obviously trying to send me a message - I weighed the most I have ever weighed in my life.  Including when I was 9 months pregnant.  190lbs!  I am more determined than ever to sort myself out.

Today is my 10 year old's birthday.  We're going to see a movie and go out to lunch.  This is going to be a challenge.  I'm trying to keep the fact of this diet from the children.  I don't want for them to grow up with food issues.  I've decided to sit down to lunch with everyone, have a drink and then go and get my eyebrows done.  We're going to the mall so it should be easy.  Fingers crossed.

Waiting to go into the first meeting

Every time a new person comes in you can tell there's a collective assessment - ok, fatter/not as fat as that person. No one here looks like they belong in the circus so far.

A farewell to food

I have my first LighterLife meeting tonight and tomorrow I start the diet. Today has been a farewell to food. I've tried to eat things that I like but may never eat again. I had a full English breakfast this morning, a cookie frappaccino, a McDonald's Happy Meal and I bought some of my favourite chocolate caramel cookies. The funny thing is that I'm not crazy when it comes to eating. My indulgent frappaccino was a small one without whipped cream, because that's how I like it. My breakfast didn't include bacon or sausage. I'm not a super-size kind of girl. In fact, I don't think I've ever super-sized a meal. I guess I just eat more than I should.

Things that I know I do wrong when it comes to food:

1. Sometimes I eat when I'm not really hungry.

2. Sometimes I eat just for the pleasure of tasting and chewing.

3. Sometimes I eat out of habit or tradition (like popcorn at the cinema).

4. Sometimes I use food as a reward or a comfort.

So, I know I do all of these things. What I'm hoping to learn from this diet is how to find healthier alternatives to food for pleasure and reward and how to break the bad habits. I've picked a hell of a week to start. The first day of the diet is my ten year old's birthday. I'm not telling the kids about the diet. I figure if I just sit with them at meal times and have a drink, they probably won't notice. I can always make myself a plate and move the food around if I need to. Then on Wed - Thurs we're going away with friends to the seaside and on Friday I have afternoon tea to celebrate another friend's birthday. Yikes!

On Friday I've decided to have one sandwich and one scone and lots of tea. It will probably make the diet a bit harder with that little cheat but I'm not going to be draconian about it. My goal is to lose some weight and find some self control but I'm not going to make myself miserable in the process.

3, 2, 1...

I was always a skinny minny. I never worried about what I ate and I hated exercise. I can remember, at the age of 19, sitting in the car and putting a hand on my thigh. I spread my fingers as wide as they would go and my thigh was still slimmer than the span of one hand. I thought 'If my thigh ever gets bigger than my hand, then I'll worry. But that will never happen.' I sit here now at 41 years old and there's a good two inches of squishy thigh that splurge out on each side of my hand. What the hell happened? Well, I got older. I had two children. My metabolism slowed down and my eating sped up. I married a big man who liked to eat and I matched him in portion sizes. I moved to a country that loves real butter and cream and doesn't judge people based on appearances. I took antidepressants for almost six years and when I gained a few pounds I just bought bigger pants. When I got married I was 21 years old and weighed 120lbs. Twenty years later I weigh 185lbs. Shit.

I've been philosophical about it over the years. There are good things about being bigger. My boobs went from B to a DD. I like being a cuddly mama for my kids. I know that when I hug them they're wrapped in loving softness. I have eaten whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it without guilt. Chocolates in bed with a good book. Cookie dough with the kids. Cakes. Florentines. Wine. French fries. When I look in the mirror I enjoy the womanliness of my shape, though I always wish my tummy was more in proportion. Gaining this 65lbs has been a hell of a lot of fun. But the party's over. As I was gaining I kept telling myself that there was nothing wrong with carrying a little extra weight as long as I was healthy. Well, my BMI has hit 30 and I am now considered medically obese (god, that makes me feel ill). My weight now puts me at risk for various diseases (including pancreatic cancer which took my father last year). It is time for a change.

If I was a really sensible, methodical person I would start to eat less and move more. Well, I do pilates regularly and have a busy life. I walked a marathon earlier this year (didn't lose a single pound) and, apart from too many sweets, eat a fairly healthy diet. I've done Weight Watchers, Atkins, Dukan, food delivery diets and tried just cutting back but I've decided that what I really need is a diet that slaps me in the face, gets fast results and shakes everything up. If I had the time I would go away to one of those retreats where you do nothing but yoga, fluids and regular colonics then come home ten days later a stone lighter. I don't have time to go away so I'm doing the next best thing - LighterLife. It's one of those intensive diets where you eat only what they provide. It's very low calorie and low carb. Your body goes into ketosis and starts digesting its own fat. This is hard core. My first meeting is tomorrow.